spring rain

the spring rain has begun to fall
and even through the smoky
musk of my exhalations I can
taste it in the air
moist earth gives way beneath my weight
sliding forward
grass, green between my toes
the trees are still bare

Expectant
sunshine and warmth
any day now

it is in this now
that the summer of my years begins
eager innocence has waned
what is this hopeful skepticism
that guides me now
now that I am old enough
enough to feel old
old enough to forget
and feel sixteen

until news blows in
whispers in my ear
pregnancies abound
births
contemplations of children to come
leading to contemplations
of the child I did not have
have yet to forgive myself for

and now the litany of souls
Jordan
Martin
Gregoria
Homobono
of those I cannot let go
and who, being held
bear me deeper into the soil
grass, green grasped between my fingers

Expectant
sunshine and warmth
any day now