Settle down kids and I'll tell you a tale, a tale of ear wax.
A couple of years ago my friend Eberjan told me a story about how his brother tried one of those liquid ear wax removal products. He followed the directions and put some drops in each ear. Nothing happened. Sure, some wax came out but nothing that couldn't have been reached by Mr. Q-tip. A WEEK later, his brother was startled to hear sudden cracking noises coming from everywhere. Crack. CRAck. CRACK! Suddenly with a whoosh (actually I don't know if there was a whoosh but I like it here)STUFF came pouring out of his ears and by the way Eb said "stuff" I could only surmise that the stuff was odious indeed and seemingly unceasing. Afterwards he claimed that his hearing was vastly improved. By the time he finished telling me the story and by the time I stopped laughing the story had been permanently added to my cache of inappropriate conversations about body functions to be shared with everyone.
Within the following week I told the story to everyone I came across with varying reactions. Some laughed. Some turned away in disgust. It is the way of all things inappropriate about body functions to be shared with everyone. When I told my sister and after the tides of laughter had gentled she cocked her head to the side and said, "Well, actually....the cracking..."
apparently, when she was fifteen or sixteen, she was sitting with my aunt doing something or other when she heard a series of ambient cracking with no apparent source. My aunt looked at her and said, "What's that sticking out of your ear?"
My aunt proceeded to tug on the thing in my sister's ear, eventually employing the aid of tweezers. She proceeded to gently remove a whole, in tact, LEAF preserved in my sister's ear wax. My sister then remembered that when she was about five she was playing and in random kid fashion decided to put the leaf in her ear. Do you understand people???? She had a WHOLE, IN TACT, LEAF in her ear for 10 years!
Tuesday afternoon, I bought one of those liquid ear wax removal products. I followed the directions and put drops in each ear and not much happened. At around 3 am this morning my right ear itched and I rubbed the outside of my ear with my finger and felt something and grabbed it. In my hand, FROM INSIDE MY EAR CANAL, surrounded by dark ear wax was the backing to an earring. I have no idea how it got there. I have no idea how long it's been there. The directions on the box say I can use the thing for four days in a row and believe you me, I will. I recommend that you too use an appropriate ear wax removal product if only to see what you're stashing.
Within the following week I told the story to everyone I came across with varying reactions. Some laughed. Some turned away in disgust. It is the way of all things inappropriate about body functions to be shared with everyone. When I told my sister and after the tides of laughter had gentled she cocked her head to the side and said, "Well, actually....the cracking..."
apparently, when she was fifteen or sixteen, she was sitting with my aunt doing something or other when she heard a series of ambient cracking with no apparent source. My aunt looked at her and said, "What's that sticking out of your ear?"
My aunt proceeded to tug on the thing in my sister's ear, eventually employing the aid of tweezers. She proceeded to gently remove a whole, in tact, LEAF preserved in my sister's ear wax. My sister then remembered that when she was about five she was playing and in random kid fashion decided to put the leaf in her ear. Do you understand people???? She had a WHOLE, IN TACT, LEAF in her ear for 10 years!
Tuesday afternoon, I bought one of those liquid ear wax removal products. I followed the directions and put drops in each ear and not much happened. At around 3 am this morning my right ear itched and I rubbed the outside of my ear with my finger and felt something and grabbed it. In my hand, FROM INSIDE MY EAR CANAL, surrounded by dark ear wax was the backing to an earring. I have no idea how it got there. I have no idea how long it's been there. The directions on the box say I can use the thing for four days in a row and believe you me, I will. I recommend that you too use an appropriate ear wax removal product if only to see what you're stashing.
posted by i at 6:44 AM
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